FUTURE][Post Six Months - first day back

[freshoffthefarm]

Her first day back.

Annie knew that she shouldn't have been self-conscious, but she was. Hyper-aware that she was going to be on display for everyone to see, she'd dressed in her best, but left all her jewelry at home save for her plain gold wedding band.

Clay had offered to carpool, and she'd taken him up on the offer. The second set of keys to the Aston Martin were in her purse, just in case. If necessary, he could get a ride home from his security detail, he'd told her, and she was grateful that he'd thought that far enough in advance for her.

The two of them had plans to meet at eleven for coffee, as usual, and she made it to 10:58 before having a panic attack.

One of the newest agents, someone Annie had met only once before leaving on her six month mission, came up behind her and touched her in the center of her back. Her face went white and, for a moment, she couldn't breathe.

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[fakes-death.livejournal.com]

Clay had a decent morning, following his good wishes to his wife on her first day back. Staff meetings and things went off without a hitch and at 10:55 he headed down from his office to the DPD to have his usual coffee date with his wife.

When the elevator opened, he saw Annie sitting at her desk, white as a sheet. Something happened, and he knew he wasn't going to like what it was. As he approached her desk, the usual hush that came over the room started and for once he didn't notice. Clay was only concerned about Annie.

"Annie?" Clay spoke quietly to his wife, "Ready for coffee?"

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Annie knew Clay was standing there. She could hear him and see him, but she couldn't answer him. Her mind was back in Europe, reliving the end of the op as she'd turned and walked away from six months of hell.

The room was too quiet, and the roar in her ears was too loud. "No." She wasn't talking to him. In fact, she wasn't even looking at him. "I'm leaving."

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"Annie, let's go get coffee."

It was a little more forceful, but still quiet as he wasn't trying to make a scene. Whatever was going to happen shouldn't happen in the DPD's bullpen or anywhere else remotely public. If possible, he was going to get her into the elevator and into his office.

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"I can't stay." She was still staring at her computer screen. He may or may not have understood her next few sentences, depending on his fluency in Ukrainian, but she rattled off a bit, then whispered, "I know. I love you, too."

Closing her eyes tight, she swallowed hard as if she were trying hard not to be sick to her stomach.

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Clay got the gist of Annie's rambling in Ukrainian. She'd never betray someone, that she'd be back soon, then plain as day she loved whoever it was. This was not good, and nothing but his eyes let on that something was very wrong.

During the span of time that all of this was going on, the new agent that set everything off had gone to get Joan. Clay didn't even notice that Joan was nearby.

"Annie," Joan began as she tried to get Annie to look at her, "you should go downstairs." She hoped that Webb got the hint to go with her.

[freshoffthefarm]

Jai had come over the moment Joan had appeared as he had been the one that had extracted Annie from Ukraine.

"Her extraction only got worse from there. He tried to stop her from leaving and there was gunfire exchanged," he said under his breath to his superiors. "I wouldn't normally say we should interrupt, but if her flashback gets that far--"

Annie had started to shake.

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"I just want her to go somewhere else, and I know she would rather have this happen somewhere relatively private." If Jai and Joan wanted to come with him then so be it, but right now he wanted to get her out of the middle of the bullpen.

A few seconds later he decided whatever physical fall out might happen would be worth it, and grabbed his wife out of her chair. So much for not making a scene, he thought as he headed toward the elevator. Hoping someone had the forethought to push the up button.

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Jai's assessment had been right -- Annie's mind immediately went to how Yuriy had grabbed her and she tensed hard enough to cause the muscles in her back to spasm.

Thankfully, Jai had also had the foresight to have the elevator open by the time Clay got there and thankfully her scream was cut off when the doors shut. Stepping close, Jai cupped her face in his hands and said her name sharply before pulling her close and murmuring in her ear.

Slumping against Clay, Annie whimpered.

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Clay looked at Jai, "It was that bad, wasn't it?" At this moment he was just going to keep his arms around her until they reached his office. Then he hoped she'd be with it enough to talk.

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"He didn't want her to go," Jai explained. "He had a feeling she wasn't coming back and no matter how much she assured him that she was his, that she wasn't going to stay gone, that she was deeply, madly in love with him--" Jai slid Clay a look. "He was possessive and abusive. If theirs was a real relationship, he'd have killed her in another couple of weeks. He always killed them." Motioning to Annie, he said simply, "They fought."

The elevator arrived at the seventh floor and Annie raised her eyes to Clay, but her entire expression mirrored that of the night she'd gotten back.

[fakes-death.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure they did."

And in the last ten minutes, he'd learned more about Annie's mission than he had since she'd been back. Her visits to the psychologist made even more sense now.

Clay led Annie and Jai into his office, with a look directed at Trish that clearly said, "Make sure I'm not disturbed."

"Annie?" Clay asked in such a way that it sounded like he was checking to see if it was all over.

[freshoffthefarm]

It was over, but her level of embarrassment was through the roof. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to melt through the floor and disappear forever. And though she was married to Clay, though she knew he understood the trauma of long-term ops, all she could think to say was, "I'm sorry."

Her apology came out a whisper, barely audible. She looked at Jai and shook her head helplessly, her shoulders lifting in a gesture of, 'I don't know what to do'. Jai's smile was encouraging, but he didn't reach out to touch her. Turning back to Clay, Annie hugged herself tightly and bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. The pain and copper taste helped shock her back to reality even more. "Oh, Clay. I'm so sorry."

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"It's okay."

Clay reached under the back portion of his desk and got Annie a cold bottle of water and made sure his box of tissues was within easy reach. As he handed Annie the water, he sat next to her.

"It's okay, Annie. Whatever happened it's okay."

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"Would you feel better if you heard any of it?"

Annie pulled back and gave Clay a look of disbelief. "You have the report, you have all my communications, you have everything you need to know what happened. Talking about it..."

She gave a shrug with a smile that wasn't humorous at all.

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"I know I do," he said before pausing for a second, "But all of those things told me what happened, not what happened to you."

He really hoped Annie picked up on the difference.

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"Now you're splitting hairs." For a moment, her expression was genuinely fond as she realized that he was asking about her and not the job.

Then she sighed. "It was dirty and gritty and just messy all around, Clay. Nothing that needs to or should be talked about."

[fakes-death.livejournal.com]

Clay didn't believe that for a moment, but he wasn't going to push the issue. When Annie felt comfortable telling him, she would. He was, however, going to remind her that it was okay to tell him anything she needed to.

"Remember, I get that job of listening to anything you need to tell me. You don't have to be worried about telling me, I'm not going anywhere." He smiled just a little bit, "I want to be around for a long time to see all the little things you do too."

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"As my boss, you should listen. As my husband, you shouldn't have to listen. Not to that, not when it involves violence and--" Annie swallowed hard. "What did Jai say?"

Something. She just knew, all of a sudden. Clay hadn't meant to push, but his insistence meant that he knew there was something to talk about.

[fakes-death.livejournal.com]

"He was controlling and violent. If you stayed any longer, we wouldn't be here right now."

It was simple and matter of fact, but something about Clay's expression said that he was upset she had to go through all of that, especially after the two weeks they'd had immediately preceding this mission.

[freshoffthefarm]

"He was controlling. He wasn't violent, not until the end and yes, he would have ended things in a bad way if the op had gone on any longer." It was all said very matter-of-fact as well. "Leaving was the worst. He didn't want me to go anywhere for any amount of time, which made checking in difficult and why, toward the end, he was..." She searched for a word that was both simple and appropriate. "Bad."

Annie sighed. She didn't want Clay to be upset. It was just another op, just something that had to be done. "It's over."

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"It is, and it isn't." He was stating the obvious, "It still bothers you, it's not over." He was speaking with the same kind of tone used when an older agent is trying to impart some wisdom on a younger one. "I still have nightmares about Paraguay and Guatemala. They're not as bad or as frequent as they were, but sometimes, they still scare the hell out of me."

Clay very rarely admitted to being scared about anything. This was a rare moment. With that, he decided not to put his shoes on, and sit on their bed, hoping Annie would join him.

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The casual turn of conversation caused Annie to sit next to him without really thinking about it. Talking about him was easier than talking about her at the moment and she pulled her feet up onto the bed with her.

"You know that I'm always here for you, too, right?" After saying it, she turned to look at him. "You can still tell me anything, even if you think I'm a little broken now."

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"I don't think you're broken. Just a little bruised."

Clay put his arms around Annie's shoulders, "Bruises hurt for a long time, then they heal. It just takes a while."

Then he looked at Annie, "I know I can, and you can always ask me anything, even if you think it might worry or upset me. It's okay."

[freshoffthefarm]

"It's a big bruise, then."

Sighing, she leaned into his touch, not nearly as skittish as she had been an hour previous. "I don't want to ask you because I know it's private. I know that it bothers you even now and I don't want you to have to relive those memories just to satisfy my curiosity."

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"You're the only one I'd ever discuss it with at this point."

He wasn't trying to make her conversation about him, but Clay figured it might be easier if she knew she wasn't the only person who went through something like this.